Suffolk Gazette News Updates

GILDED CAGE, SUFFOLK – A pet cockatoo from Brome, Suffolk, has soared to internet stardom after being crowned Most Glamorous Cockatoo in a national online competition. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint The bird in question, a preening white-feathered diva named Faye, is the beloved (and occasionally bullied) pet of Linda Cragg,… Read more »

KENTFORD, SUFFOLK –  A peaceful Tuesday evening turned eerie after a Birds Eye Chicken & Gravy Pie developed a serious attitude problem midway through dinner preparations. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint Jeremy Quagmire, a 44-year-old bachelor and former part-time jigsaw librarian, had looked forward all day to his usual treat: a… Read more »

CO-OP, IPSWCH – The Ipswich branch of the Co-op has unveiled its newest anti-theft strategy: a furious, hissing munchkin cat named Venom. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint Venom, a two-year-old feline with the legs of a corgi and the temperament of a wolverine, belongs to assistant manager Denise Mallory, who brought… Read more »

GRANTHAM, LINCOLNSHIRE – Grantham, birthplace of former Prime Minister and part-time disco enthusiast, Margaret Thatcher, is preparing to host the “Festival of Thatcher” this October, marking 100 years since her birth. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint South Kesteven District Council announced a week-long programme of festivities. Proposals include specially dedicated beers… Read more »

IPSWICH, PLANET EARTH – Passengers aboard the No.13 bus traveling to Copdock Tesco via Hawthorn Drive and Belmont Road experienced a spectacle straight out of a sci-fi script “Cyberman”. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint Witnesses report seeing a Cyberman — yes, one of those famously emotionless Doctor Who villains — but… Read more »

A quiet Suffolk household was thrown into chaos last Thursday after a routine load of laundry left one man traumatised and in hospital — all thanks to what he described as a “demonic domestic appliance.” Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint The Suffolk man, George St Pancras, 58, had just returned from… Read more »

TEHRAN, IRAN – In the wake of coordinated Israeli airstrikes on Iranian nuclear facilities and military sites. Tehran has promised a “harsh response” — although international observers remain puzzled after witnessing what appears to be a regiment of Iranian pilots sprinting across airfields wearing fibreglass aircraft shells strapped to their… Read more »

DARMSDEN, SUFFOLK – Residents of the sleepy Suffolk village of Darmsden were left stunned this week when beloved 1970s children’s TV icon Bungle the Bear was spotted panhandling for cash and cigarettes outside the Hope & Anchor pub. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint The sighting was made by Mildred Thong, 72,… Read more »

ST. MORITZ, SWITZERLAND – A Suffolk couple on holiday in the Swiss Alps have mistaken a solitary pear for an elusive alpine bird. John and Tina Bergkamp, a well-meaning pair from Lowestoft, were enjoying their chalet breakfast when they spotted what they believed to be a curious, possibly endangered, bird… Read more »

DOVER, KENT – Home Secretary Yvette Cooper has urged British holidaymakers to cancel their seaside getaways in order to free up space for incoming migrant dinghies. Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint With over 10,000 people having already crossed the English Channel in small boats this year—a 40% increase compared to this… Read more »